Starting over is never easy. And I don’t think there is any book on the subject. Or humanity for that matter that says it is. It is a wrongful assumption to make, to assume everything is a a piece of cake, in life. Specially if you have 16 years of science and education which all you have to speak for you, and at the end of it all, what you really want to do is write, or something. Then its starting from scratch.
I like to imagine if I got somewhere, on a job on the basis of my education and qualification, i would be at a, not being modest, comfy job with a steady income. But since my writing for TFT has taken a step forward, I have dared to dream of a different life, that was all but a far away speck for most of my existence. I tend to under estimate my technical capabilities quite a lot. Maybe i am just not that comfortable with it. I never came to terms with my capacity as an engineer. Though i did do quite a few not so shabby projects in my undergrad work. Specially my FYP which was awarded the first prize. But sitting at an office job, 9-5 doesn’t agree with me. Life must, MUST amount to something more then simply providing for yourself and your family. So I have found a glimmer somewhere, a door creaked open, left like that by accident, and the opportunist in me has managed to get a few fingers hinged in. Hoping to push it open. Having no idea where it leads or whether it will even ever open fully for me to walk through.
I like to imagine myself breaking the rut, and trying something new. Does that make me brave? I like to think so. But having no strings attached makes this easier then it would have been later in life. Maybe.
RR offered me to be is Research Assistant. He just called as i was writing. He gets projects and research grants for studies and what not. Like agriculture in Pakistan. Good thing or bad thing is I’l be working from home. I was hoping to live in Lahore for a few months and maybe get to go places. Maybe all that is not lost yet. I have agreed to do it. If i am up for it, i’l be getting some money per month or per project, as per our agreement. How much and the mechanics of it all are still vague. He’ll send me the material and i’l go through it and give him the green light. Long hours and everything is all good. With nothing to do and all the time to spare, i might as well do something constructive and working with someone like RR, would be good exposure. Or atleast thats the idea.
So bottom line. Instead of wearing a suit to work everyday and sitting in an air conditioned office. I sit in my shorts at my laptop, typing away furiously at the keyboard now and again.